only if

We make an awful lot of choices in a day. We probably don’t think too much about most of them.

Should I go the same way to work I always do? Yes.

Should I drive on the right side of the road? Yes.

Do I want coffee this morning? Yes.

Do I want 5 coffees this morning? Of course!

Do you wish there was a faster way to make the 5 morning coffees? How could I not?

I may be drifting but I think you get the point.

We make lots of choices that just happen without a lot of thought.

What I want to look at is WHY we make choices. What are our motives and do we gives them any real thought? We make lots of choices without thought but when we do think about it do we graze over some important parts of the process?

I was chatting with someone about an interesting experience they had with motives and compassion.

They we’re going about their work day as usual. During the course of the day a person they came across noted how much they wanted a cup of coffee. He tucking this in the back of his mind he kept on with his day.

When he returned later that day he brought with him a day saving cup of sweet dark nectar (or however you see coffee).


That was it.

Just, “thanks”.

It was almost a passing thanks. Almost a no-existent thanks. It was as if he didn’t care at all.

The man I was talking with carried on with some exceptionally clear self reflection. He talked about how his mother would be so over the top any time he did anything. Praise upon praise for doing the right thing.

The conversation continued and he noted how he didn’t WANT to do it for that reason and didn’t even THINK that the praise and validation he didn’t get was at all  part of why he did it.

But he noticed its absence. Almost upset that it wasn’t there.

How often do we do this? How often do we get upset, become jaded, and vow to never do something again because the person we were trying to love didn’t react the way we wanted them to?

Did we do it to just love them or did we do it as a means to the end of a reaction/change/growth that WE chose for THEM.

I think we stop because we don’t get what we want. I think we often don’t even realize that’s why we stop or why we’re upset. I think we don’t act compassionately and actually hold back our love because the other person won’t do what we think they should with it.

Our motive isn’t what we think it is. We make a choice to not love without even thinking about the true reason why.

What are your motives?

Why do you love?

And perhaps more importantly, honestly, why don’t you love?


One thought on “only if

  1. Pingback: this migth suck: part 2 | love.grow.serve


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