mental check list

I have no scientific background.

The body, specifically the brain, does things I just don’t understand.

I also have no idea if I’m alone this story I’m about to tell.

I had decided to do something. I talked on Monday about how I was going to purpose myself to do things. I was going to be intentionally generous once a day (going ok so far, not great but ok). At the start of the day I had been thinking about opportunities that may have been presented to me to be generous.

A friend of mine just recently experienced a loss in her family. I’m by no means an expert in loss but it’s also not something I’m not familiar with.

I had thought through what would be meaningful and helpful during this time and came up with a plan.

And here I sit with a good plan.

I started the day with a desire/urge/compulsion to be generous but all of that was taken away by a plan not an action.

I haven’t been generous the way I intended but still my brain no long has the desire/urge/need/etc to do it.

Does this ever happen to you? All the best intentions as they say.

I was excited and motivated to act, made plan to act, then did nothing more. And it was different than when I purposeful procrastinate to try to not do something. I still feel the pull, I still feel the need, I know that I’m avoiding action.

This was almost as if by making a plan my mind felt it was done. No conviction for not having done anything. Nothing. Just me feeling like I’m becoming a better person having literally done nothing.

Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve been pondering that I may not be as different from everyone else as I tell myself I am.

Purpose and intent are so important. Plans matter. But it’s all for not without the action. I’m going to spend some time reflecting on all the great plans I had that I never followed through on. I’m going to ponder why I didn’t and I’m going to take steps to finish in action what my mind has already checked off.

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