I had another not so spectacular week.
I did better than last week. I didn’t find myself looking for ways out of conversations or rationalizing why a certain instance didn’t count like I did last week. I like to talk so it wasn’t hard for me to keep talking.
A few times I was about to stop a conversation but didn’t.
But like last week it wasn’t like God showed up in some unmistakable way.
I didn’t get the chance to be a part of someone’s life changing. No one broke down in tears bearing their heart because I gave them time. Just a lot of really nice conversations.
And that’s not good enough is it?
Not in this world where we need to constantly achieve and a healthy church is measured by the number of people who attend or how big the building is.
Nope we need to see change we can stick on a marketing pamphlet. We need lives to be changed and if that chance doesn’t present itself we need to force it to happen.
These projects aren’t just going to change themselves. We can’t miss an opportunity to work on the projects in our lives.
Nope we can’t just have really nice conversations with people in our lives. If all we do is have nice conversations;
How will we know when our project is done?
How will we know if we’re a good Christian or not?
How will we let other people know how good of a Christian we are?
How did we get here?
In some way or another all of those crossed my mind this week.
I was worried about what I would write on Friday as more and more conversations were just conversations.
I was worried about why God wasn’t using me.
I was worried that I wasn’t being pushy or direct enough.
I was worried that no one was closer to God this week because I tried to invest in them.
Maybe old habits die hard. Maybe I’ve been a part of church for so long I can’t help but think back to some of the ways church has been done or the way I thought church was done.
It’s not a maybe at all that I need to grow a lot more yet. I need to remember that so much of compassion is relationship. Honest, real relationships motivated by love not some ulterior motive. And if I’m able to be loving to someone. If I’m able to share love with someone, then God was there.
God showed up and was in our conversation every time I’m able to love someone. A nice conversation is more than enough, if love is what makes it nice.
So when I talk about video games, or budgets, or family it can be entirely soaked in God. As long as I choose to soak that conversation in love. And giving every conversation the time it needed is a really good way to put a little love in every conversation.